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People say that the wedding is one of the last official rituals our society has left. A wedding is one of the few events left that has generally acceptable conventions of behavior, dress, music, words and even decoration.
Only funerals can parallel the modern wedding in terms of what we are supposed to wear, what to say, where to go, and what to do. People who keep track of social and cultural conventions say that both life events are in danger of becoming lessened and diluted.
Some people are choosing to forgo part of the acceptable ceremonies to create their own elements, others don't think these conventions from the past, especially formal wear, speak to their personal beliefs or faiths anymore, sometimes circumstances dictate veering from the rule book and others simply never learned what you should or shouldn't do or wear to one of these events.
These days, a bride-to-be can choose everything from the texture of her invitation envelopes to what guests throw at the new couple (because rice is no longer considered animal- or vacuum-friendly) While a funeral may happen unexpectedly, many girls plan the elements of a dream wedding beginning in childhood. The only final piece required is the groom.
"Experts" recommend at least 6 to 18 months to plan the ideal wedding, including securing a location and the myriad professionals who can be part of the event -- everyone from the photographer to the cake creator. After you throw in advice from friends and family members who want to help or share their own insights, and you start to get an idea why the average American wedding now costs at least $20,000. (It's also why the term ‘Bride-zilla' is becoming more and more recognized.)
When it comes to weddings, amidst all this planning and "expert" advice, the Internet is both a boon and a curse. There are millions of wedding sites out there in cyberspace. You can learn about what you should or could have for every part of the modern ceremony, and what to do or where to go afterward.
If you haven't been exposed to too many traditional weddings, just go online and you can find out what to do, what order things should be in, and about the origins of certain traditions. Some wedding sites definitely do their part to preserve the traditional wedding.
It's also easy to find checklists of what you should be doing and when you should be doing it. But when your checklist includes the line, "don't forget to make emergency checklist," it's time to take a breath and relax. While some sites are definitely designed to sell you products they think you need, others hope to make the whole experience manageable and convenient.
Wedding 101
Wedding 101 (www.wedding101.com) is based in Canada and designed to be a one-stop shop for planning and shopping. Along with the basic guides of what you need and when you need it, it offers a lot of ‘how-tos' like how to propose, how to find a good location, what to include in people's speeches.
It does discuss different traditions for different cultures, and has less ‘you should do this' and more ‘this is what people have done before.' It also has a guide to getting married in different parts of the world, including tips for those who have already decided to elope somewhere like Las Vegas.
In the mailbag section, you can read the questions, comments or concerns about others going through or have gone through the same things you are. Although the site claims that it's not tied to any specific manufacturer, it does have a shopping section and links to different companies selling the various required or optional accessories.
The Knot
Another novel new tradition online is for the betrothed couple to share information about themselves. With sites like the knot at www.theknot.com it's easy to create a Web site all about you.
Out-of-town guests-to-be can visit the equivalent of an online announcement/program and learn about the proposal, when and where the event is, who is going to be there, and where the couple is registered. Just click on one of the store's links and you can do your shopping without having to drive to the store or wonder what the happy couple will need.
Brides are encouraged to continue sharing information even after their big day occurs, and send in their success/horror stories, pictures of them in their gowns, and tell about what they wore and what their hair and make-up was like.
For those who are especially concerned about these things, there is an online color coordinator, which is handy in the days when so many of the colors from the past are attempting to make a come-back. (Didn't electric pink die once and for all in 1984?)
For the bride who is already feeling overwhelmed, there's a "wedding preview" test to see what kind of person you are, what kind of wedding you should have, and what kind of location suits your personality. Finally, there's the "Ask Carley" advice column, where your wedding questions and concerns are answered, and strategies are offered up on topics such as entertaining your guests from out of the area before and after your wedding (because you certainly have nothing better to do).
More Sites
Similar sites include Bride Stuff (www.bridestuff.com) which includes lengthy lists for the bride and every member of the party (no matter how insignificant) along with all sorts of other minutiae like what kind of placards to put on the tables and where to find exotic things like ice sculptors. Another site called 101 Wedding Tips (www.101weddingtips.com) discusses themes, has a message board, and lets you search vendors by category. Penny pinchers may like sites like Little Wedding Guide (www.littleweddingguide.com) which is designed to help brides save money, avoid vendor pain, and make a lot of things themselves.
EZWeddingPlanner (www.ezweddingplanner.com) is another useful site. It consists of a free online planner that is designed to help you sort the invitations, the thank-you cards, and important duties up to and during the event. For those who are counting, this site claims that there are an average of 117 things that must be accomplished to bring off the typical wedding.
After you've made your choices from the vast amount of information available, it's time to make the magic happen.
Find Someone to Do The Deed
Various areas of the Internet can connect you with people to marry you on the spot. Be sure to check with your local authorities first, but many sites let you virtually exchange vows and pronounce you husband and wife just with a few keystrokes.
Check out the International Registry of Marriage (www.irom.org), for example. This site is organized by the Universal Church of Life and offers several different buttons you can click to tie the knot at the virtual chapel, wait for the confirmation email, and order certificates commemorating the event. For couples who may not ready for such a commitment, there's also a compatibility test.
Another site called Get Married Live (www.getmarriedlive.com) has certificates and services, like background checks, and also lets you send an official proposal via email. If the recipient accepts, it then conducts a virtual wedding ceremony Luckily, a few boxes down is the "Divorce" section, which looks just as easy and just as binding.
If you aren't worried about legalities, at Bored.com (www.bored.com/funweddings/index.php) you can quickly tie the knot by entering your name, your new spouse's name, and pressing the Enter key. Then press print and you've got yourself a spiffy new wedding license (along with plenty of asterisks saying it isn't legal). When you're done, wander around the site a bit. You'll find plenty of activities to take your mind off other concerns of the day ...like maybe a wedding to plan.
Here Comes the Bride...
Who knows what will become of these ceremonies in another few generations, especially if they continue to be "individualized."
Maybe it will be for the best, as many of the ‘rules' from the past, like who pays for certain elements of the event, can be thrown out. Maybe magazines will change from "you must do everything right and exactly to the letter so this day will be the happiest of your life" to "a wedding is a special day, and a big part of your life, but think of it as just the start of a long-term relationship." Maybe.
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